If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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