But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
