Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
