Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
