Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
