So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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