I'm so fucking centered right now
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
then he tried to convert me to islam
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize