did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
