I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize