those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
