Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
