i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
