broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my shit smells like andre
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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