Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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