I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
