i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
