I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize