I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
