flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
