What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
