I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
