I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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