You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Send help, water and tortillas.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
