Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
