Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
