Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
