i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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