I just cut my nipple shaving
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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