I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
