CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
