So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
