I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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