Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
