My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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