if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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