he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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