And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
