well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
