i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
