Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize