Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
