on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
