i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
