I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
