I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
