I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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