Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
