he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
