AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
