guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
