i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize