isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
