im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
