It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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