I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize