Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
