Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
