Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
