You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
