just tell him i said nine months
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
