Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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