As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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