it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
