Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
