Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
