i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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