I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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