My hand turned me down
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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