I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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