after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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