Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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