i just google imaged poop.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
