i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
