i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
