Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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