Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
