You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
