No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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