There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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