Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
