question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
