she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
