jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
