From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
