There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
