the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize