This girl is more easily done than said...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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