Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
