I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
