Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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