idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
