Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i drank out of a bidet.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
