he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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