I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
