You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
