Just mADE A PArabola og urine
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
