i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
