Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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