hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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