After last night, I could never be a politician.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
