You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
