There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Bring me that man meat
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
