Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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