That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
