Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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