Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
