1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
