The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize