I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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