Do you still have your period?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
